Ears full of laughter, I slip my arm around my fantastic friend’s scrawny neck, dark and skinny, like we all were.
”Oh fuck, I feel so fucking good right now”
I turned to look at Gaeo, ear to ear wearing his full faced smile, I’d seen it a thousand times but it was still just as contagious. It caught the muscles in my face and forced me into the same open grin, I couldn’t help it, I loved him, we all did, how could we not.
We shambled down badly lit streets, barking at each other, young and wild with a hunger for adventure. We did this every night, we never needed anything else. We were flat broke, dressed in the same clothes we always wore, no money no drugs no women, just two nitwits wandering around midnight Amman.
I’ve always felt a deep love for Jordan, but now as I chain-smoke Newports and reminisce I realize it wasn’t Jordan that I loved, it was the people. It was the simplicity of the friendships we built, the lack of need for communication, the solid knowledge that everything would be alright because we had each other.
In the short time since I’ve left Jordan, I’ve more then doubled the amount of women I’ve slept with, I’ve fallen in love, held a job, bought a car, got into the college I wanted. Everything has fallen into my lap just like I knew it would, but there’s always been a sort of hollowness to my smile, a lack of excitement when I go out, don’t get me wrong, I’m far from sad, but I feel a lack, and I think I know what it is.
It’s you, all of you, you know who you are.
I miss being woken up by a group of people, telling me to get dressed cause they’re thirsty, telling me to stop being a lazy bitch and get up, we’ve got bitches to fuck, places to be.
The truth is we never had anywhere to be, we never had anything to do, we just wanted to get fucked up, if we couldn’t do that we tried to get laid, if we couldn’t do that we’d pick a fight, anything to get our blood flowing. We were bored and stupid, lacking everything but ambition, we didn’t know shit about the real world and we were untouchable because of it. Nothing hurt too bad, no bruise was too sore, no emotion strong enough to overpower our reality, we were indestructible, nothing could harm us, nothing could get in our way, we used our dick for bitches and our hearts for each other.
I’m writing to remind you, to never grow up, to never get too serious, because deep down, each one of us knows, we’ll never be alone, we’ll always have each other.
At least, you’ll always have me.
Ba7ibkom kol yom aktar.
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